


Burning Bridges

by Rhov



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Butt Plugs, Explicit Sexual Content, Fights, Forgiveness, Leaving Home, M/M, Making Up, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Stabbing, Suicide Attempt, Tasers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-05-18
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:25:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pushed to his emotional limits, Gray snaps and does the unthinkable. Natsu’s trust is shattered, but when Gray leaves the guild, Natsu realizes he has a choice: wallow in hatred, or face the pain head on. Gratsu, yaoi, non-con, and enough angst to drown the cast of Twilight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Cheating Today

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonlessnight126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlessnight126/gifts).



> _A/N: Moonlessnight126 has also inspired me with her AMV "Super Psycho Love" and challenged me to many one-shots. Now she's done it again, gifting me this plot. I teased her that she's my Muse's evil twin. I actually wasn't sure if I wanted to write a non-con story, but somehow I finished it. (Took me four months to write it, too!) This will update quickly._
> 
> _Warning: Rated M, yaoi, non-con, profanity...oh, and angst. Lots of angst._
> 
> _Disclaimer: The plot is not mine, it belongs to Moonlessnight126. Fairy Tail is also not mine, it belongs to Hiro Mashima. The words are mine, at least._

Gray sat at the guild bar sipping something cold to fight the heatwave that had settled over Magnolia for a solid week. The hot weather always made the ice mage a little cranky, but today he was feeling extra peeved.

"Do you have ice cream or something?" he asked Mirajane.

"All out," she smiled, never stopping her tireless wiping of glassware.

The guild doors burst open, and a brightly grinning face with pink hair stepped inside. A few people greeted Natsu as he walked in with Happy just behind. Mirajane somehow managed to make time in her busy job to come over and do a little gossiping.

"Oh Natsu! Yesterday was your big date with Lucy, right? One month already!"

"Yep!" he smiled. "I gave her a bracelet, and see! I have the same type," he exclaimed, showing off the beaded bracelet.

Gray looked away in annoyance. The flame-brain was grinning like an idiot.

Mirajane squealed at seeing that they were already so close. "Soooo...how did it go?" she asked with eagerness.

"It was perfect," Natsu declared boisterously. "We went to a festival, and there were fireworks, and we ate at this really fancy restaurant—although I got in trouble—and then we took a walk along the docks, and then we went back to her place, and then we..."

A small but heavy fist slammed on his head. Lucy glared down at Natsu. "Finish that and I'll castrate you." She walked off to the mission board to find a job for the team.

Natsu recovered quickly and ran over to talk to Erza about plans for a mission. He completely ignored Gray. The ice wizard slumped and stared at him.

Did Natsu really have to lean over like that, with his ass pointing out, wagging back and forth like some stupidly happy puppy? Although Gray _really_ didn't want to hear Natsu brag about his and Lucy's relationship, part of him was curious. Just how close were they? Lucy's reaction was suspicious.

They didn't do _that_ , did they? He didn't think the flame-brain knew what sex even was. The curiosity was strangling Gray's mind.

"Ohhh Gray," Mirajane said brightly. "You're looking rather jealous. Don't tell me you have a crush on Lucy."

Lucy! He glared at the blonde as well. He once had feelings for Lucy, yet since she and Natsu got together, those emotions mutated.

"It's nothing," Gray muttered, which made Mirajane titter.

_Let her think what she wants! She doesn't understand how I feel. No one does. Hell, I don't even know what this is all about!_

Lucy apparently found a job, and their team decided to meet up early the next day. Natsu moaned that it involved a train ride. Then he went to the bar to drink. He sat beside Gray, and for once they did not exchange any of the usual insults. Natsu looked _way_ too happy, in Gray's opinion.

"So," the ice wizard said casually, and he took a fast glance around the guild. Lucy was on the far end talking to Levy, and Erza was lost in the euphoria of enjoying some strawberry cake. "Your date went well, huh?"

"Yeah, lots of fun," Natsu nodded. "Lucy's sweet, and she's really hot in bed."

Gray's glass frosted over and shattered. Mirajane looked over quickly at the sound of breaking glass, and Natsu eyed Gray in confusion. Then the dragon slayer figured it out and chuckled cruelly.

"Yep, she's really soft, really knows how to work it, ya know," he whispered, nudging Gray in the ribs. "It's challenging, though. I mean, when the girl is _that good_ , it's really hard to last long enough to thoroughly please her. Good thing I've got this little dragon down here," he smirked, pointing to his crotch. "It's always fired up."

Gray pounced to his feet and grabbed the white scarf hard enough to yank Natsu right up into his face. His eyes narrowed in anger, and Natsu just chuckled at the jealous rage in Gray's pale face.

The ice wizard snarled, "I don't want to hear you talk like that... _ever!"_

"Whatcha gonna do about it, Frosty?" To Natsu, this was just another way to annoy the ice-stripper, and he felt delighted that he had now one-upped Gray.

"Not in here," Gray decided.

"Our normal place by the river?" Natsu asked cockily.

"Meet me at my house first."

"Why should I enter that smelly pigsty?" Natsu demanded.

Gray glared at him. "Are you giving up so soon?"

Natsu's eyes narrowed at him. "Fine, I'll be there at sunset. You better bring a towel, because I'm gonna melt you into a puddle."

Gray released him hard, practically throwing the dragon slayer back onto his seat, and stormed out of the guild hall.

Mirajane sighed and shook her head. "At least they're taking it somewhere else so I don't have to clean up their mess."

* * *

Gray sat on the roof of his apartment watching the sun go down. Around this neighborhood, people were accustomed to seeing a half-naked mage in the middle of the day. He puffed on a cigarette and gazed down at the street as he saw a flash of pink. Happy was right behind the dragon slayer. Gray frowned a little at that.

"Happy, head back," Natsu told his buddy. "I plan to go all out this time, and I don't want to have to worry about you."

"Be careful, Natsu," the Exceed warned.

"Hey, it's me! That ice bastard won't touch me."

Gray felt a little better now. Just him and Natsu, how he wanted it. He crushed out the cigarette, then jumped back into his window. He closed it tightly and shut the curtains against the summer heat.

There was a pounding on the door. "Get out here, droopy eyes."

Gray sighed at the noise. Luckily, his neighbors were off on their summer vacation. He had the building to himself. Gray walked over to a table and picked up a device with two prongs and a button on the grip. He felt the hard edges of the hand-held device, and his fingers clenched it with a bitter scowl of determination. Holding it carefully, he walked over to the door and opened it to see Natsu almost ready to knock again.

"There you are, slowpoke! I wanna get this fight over with and beat your ass. I'm supposed to buy more _supplies_ for Lucy, if you know what I mean. So get your frosty ass out here and we'll..."

Gray's hand shot forward, pressed the device against Natsu's bare stomach, and he pushed the button. A jolt went through Natsu, and instantly he dropped unconscious to the floor.

"Sorry, Natsu," Gray said, putting the device to the side. "I'm cheating today."

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. The Little Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: "La petit mort," French for "the little death," is a euphemism for orgasm._

Natsu woke up slowly, feeling so exhausted, he could barely think. All the muscles in his body seemed to be in pain all at once. His chest hurt too badly to breathe deeply, and his shoulders felt immensely sore. When he tried to move his arms, he realized they were trapped. Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw handcuffs restraining his hands to a metal-framed headboard.

"What the...?" Then he realized he felt cold and looked down to see himself naked. "Fuck!" he shouted in surprise.

A movement to the side caught his attention. He jolted as he looked over and saw Gray sitting in the corner of the dark room, watching Natsu with amusement.

"You really like to sleep in. It's night already," Gray said sardonically.

Natsu yanked on the handcuffs. "What the...what the hell is this? Why did...? Whoa..." He had tried to make a fire to burn through the cuffs, but just attempting it left him dizzy. "What happened to me?"

"I used a mazer on you," Gray explained.

"A what?"

"It zaps you and sucks away all of a wizard's magic, leaving you weak and helpless for up to twelve hours. Don't tell anyone I have it. It's not really legal in Fiore."

"You...you little cheat," Natsu panted as his head swam with confusion.

"That's right." Gray rose from the chair, completely naked already, and walked over to the bed. "I'm cheating today. I'm punishing you. How dare you let Lucy be your first!"

"Lucy? First?" After a moment of confusion, Natsu smirked. "Is that what this is all about? Me and Lucy? Damn, you really make a bad jealous man, droopy-eyes. If you liked Lucy, you should have said something to her first. Why hesitate? Don't tell me you're a virgin, Gray. I mean, you're a year older than me."

Gray climbed onto the bed and leaned over on top of Natsu. "Didn't you think that maybe I was saving it for someone special?" He roughly grabbed Natsu's soft cock.

"Gray!" Natsu cried out, and his voice cracked at the strain. "Wha-...what the hell? Don't touch me like that. It's sick." He watched in disgust as Gray's cold hands played with his soft cock, trying to entice it. "Seriously, don't fucking touch me!"

"Your virginity should have been mine, Natsu."

"Lucy wasn't a...wait... _whose_ virginity?" he cried out in confusion that was beginning to border on terror.

Gray's eyes were icy cold. "When you two hooked up, I thought I'd be jealous of you having Lucy. Instead, for some reason, I began to feel the other way. I'm madly jealous of Lucy...because she has you."

Natsu panted in chaotic thoughts. Gray's touches so far had no reaction besides making Natsu feel disgusted, but seeing the turbulent emotions in the ice wizard's face was having a slow affect on him.

"Me?" he whispered airily in disbelief. "Gray, we're...we're both guys."

"I know. That's why I hate this. It's weird. There are always stupid rumors going around the guild, first about the two of us, then me and Loke, then that pervert Sugarboy, and Juvia is convinced I'm in love with Lyon. People keep whispering that I'm gay when they think I can't hear, and I've ignored them up to now. I've never been interested in guys. So why the hell do I feel like this about you, out of all the bastards in this world? I hate it! I hate being in love with you. And I hate knowing that you'll never have the same feelings toward me."

"So stop this," Natsu shouted in a panic.

"No," Gray smirked. "This is punishment. You're a pervert, a flame-brain, and somehow you've messed up my head, so I'm going to punish you."

His hands slid up Natsu's stomach and chest, then grazed over his nipples. The dragon slayer tensed up and tried to cringe back at the touch.

"Sensitive on your chest, huh?" Darkly, Gray chuckled and began to run his fingers around in circles over the pink dots. "I never would have thought you'd have a sensitive spot." He suddenly grabbed the nipples and tweaked them.

Natsu's spine arched up. "Gaaah! Stop!"

"Why stop?" Gray smirked. "You're just starting to harden." One hand slid down and stroked the cock that was finally beginning to lengthen. "Didn't you say that your _little dragon_ is always fired up?"

Natsu tried to flame his body again, yet attempting just that much made him dizzy and his vision blur. "I said stop, bastard! What the hell are you planning to do, rape me?"

Gray climbed on top of him and smiled down into the dragon slayer's face. "Yep!" he said with a pop to the word.

Natsu shrank back from Gray's dark face. "N-no," he whispered. "That isn't even funny. You don't joke about things like that."

"You're right. You don't." Gray reached over to his nightstand to pick up a butt plug and a bottle of lubricant.

Natsu stared at the rubber sex toy and felt a surge of terror. "No! Gray, you...you'll get into trouble. You'll be arrested; you could even get kicked out of the guild. Please, Gray, don't do this!" He yanked on the handcuffs again, urgently rattling them, but he felt the weakness still affecting him. "Please!"

"Do you think I can stay in the guild and see you and Lucy together?" Gray asked bitterly as he slathered lube all over the plug. "I was planning on leaving anyway."

"You...You're leaving?" Natsu asked in shock. "Just because of me and Lucy? Gray, that's stupid! You can't leave."

Gray suddenly screamed insanely. "You don't know what it's like!" He tried to calm him and spoke softer. "It's killing me to stay and watch you happy with someone else. It's making me sick, I can't sleep, my magic is weaker, and it's affecting the way I fight. I can't continue being a wizard this way. So I need to leave. There's no way I can stay in this guild. This is your _goodbye present_ , Natsu."

He rammed the plug in so fast, Natsu did not even have time to scream. His body went completely still with the intense pain and sudden shock. Even when he tried to breathe, it felt like nothing worked, like his body was already killed and useless.

"Well, it shut you up," Gray chuckled. "Was that too rough? It's probably the first time you've felt something up your ass, right? I bet I tore you. Sorry, but if I eased it in, you'd only tense up, and that'd hurt way worse."

Gray leaned over and kissed Natsu firmly on the mouth. Still, Natsu's face was paler than usual, and the fact that he still had not made a sound worried Gray.

"Hey." He caressed Natsu's face. "Hey, are you even breathing? Loosen up, idiot. If you stay this tense, the pain will only get worse."

A tear dripped down Natsu's face. With unsteady words, he begged, "Take...it...out."

"No," Gray said coldly.

Natsu suddenly sobbed. "Please, take it out. I'll do anything, just get it out. It...it hurts...too much."

Gray sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. On one hand, the idea that he had made Natsu sob like a child was sadistically satisfying. However, although he had decided to really go through with this, he pitied Natsu a little. It wasn't his fault, after all. Gray did not even know why he felt this strongly jealous.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he whispered, smoothing back the pink hair. "It'll hurt a bit coming out, though. If you stay clenched, it won't budge, so you really do have to follow my orders. First, you've been holding your breath. Let it out slowly."

Natsu did, but a shivering moan escaped with it.

"Now, loosen up your butt muscles. If you don't do that, it won't come out."

It took a while, but finally Natsu relaxed enough.

"That's better, right?" Gray smiled. "Keep relaxing." He rubbed out the firm muscles on Natsu's thighs. "Loosen up. Is it hurting less?"

"Yeah," Natsu said softly. "Doesn't hurt."

"That's good." His hands rubbed up Natsu's thighs again, but this time they kept going up to the semi-hard cock. "Stay relaxed."

"Gray!"

"If you tense up, I can't take it out," he warned, but this time he had a devilish smirk. He stroked over the cock's head, then a smooth glide down the shaft. "I'll take it out soon."

Despite himself, Natsu shuddered at the cold hands. He could feel his hardness, and the plug in his ass was partly to blame. Now that the pain was gone, that thing felt intensely good.

Gray considered jerking off Natsu and leaving the plug where it was, but then he would get no pleasure. For ulterior reasons, he reached down to the silicone grip. "Okay, I'm going to pull it out. It'll hurt if you tense up. Keep breathing, and push like you're gonna shit on me."

"Maybe I should," Natsu glared.

Gray pulled slowly. Getting past the bulbous head of the plug was the hardest part. Natsu whimpered at that point, but suddenly the whole thing came sliding out. Natsu moaned in relief, and he momentarily lost consciousness.

When he came to, Gray was still on top of him, licking Natsu's chest, savoring the salty-tasting skin. Natsu blushed and looked away. His ass still hurt, but that brief memory of pleasure stained all the hatred he felt.

"I'll kill you," Natsu whispered furiously.

Gray raised to his hands and knees, smiling down at him. "You'll have to catch me. As soon as I'm done here, I'm on the first train out of Fiore. I might like the idea of you chasing after me. For now, how about I make it up to you?"

He slid down, rubbing his body along Natsu's cock as he went. The dragon slayer hissed at the stimulation, but he tried to keep focused on anger. Then, wondering what the ice wizard planned to do, Natsu looked down.

"This is my apology." Gray suddenly took Natsu's cock into his mouth, pressing the foreskin back with his lips, until it hit the back of his throat.

Natsu's spine arched. He and Lucy had just begun trying out sex. Blow jobs were something she still did not like. She had attempted it once; however, she was too grossed out by the taste and the idea of licking the thing Natsu used to piss. Of course, she loved having herself licked, but she insisted that was different. Natsu never complained. If she disliked doing something, he would not force her. Still, having a blow job was something he had fantasized about for years.

Now, he was having his first one with his sworn rival.

"Gray," Natsu panted heatedly as little puffs of steam came out of his mouth and into Gray's cold apartment.

The ice wizard hummed around the cock, and Natsu jolted at the vibrations. Blue eyes turned up to face him, gleaming with mischievousness. Then Gray pulled up, sucking hard the whole way, and let the cock come out with a pop. Gray gave an over-exaggerated lick to his moist lips.

"Do you like it?"

Natsu refused to answer. On one hand, Gray's mouth was truly amazing. He never thought a blow job would feel so fantastic. On another hand, if he admitted something like that, it would only encourage Gray, and Natsu wanted him to stop this before it went out of control.

"It's not enough of an apology, is it?" Gray looked back down. "Perhaps this, then."

He grabbed Natsu's legs and folded the knees up to his chest. He felt Natsu try to fight against it, but the magic deprivation disease he was suffering through made the dragon slayer too weak to resist. Gray saw a little blood on the anus and realized he really had torn Natsu.

"It's this part that was hurt, after all," he reasoned to himself, and Gray leaned over to lick the scab. With the moisture from his tongue, he wiped away the blood. Then he looked at the puckered star and gave it a gentle kiss. Natsu made a grunting sound at that, which left Gray smirking. Slowly, he leaned back over, licking the tiny hole and pressing his tongue against it.

"Gray!" Natsu shrieked, flailing about wildly without control.

Gray continued to lick and press his tongue in and out, then he hummed right against the small entrance. Natsu's body stiffened, and he felt precum leaking already.

"Oh fuck," he moaned. "Gray... _nnngh!_ "

Part of Natsu realized, if Lucy did not like giving blow jobs, there was no way she would agree to do what Gray was doing now. A small part of his brain, the part that was not screaming profanities and plotting how to murder Gray, knew that this might be the only chance he would ever feel something like this. After the pain he first got, this intense pleasure nearly undid him. Gray's tongue seemed to take all the pain away and replace it with pure ecstasy.

Gray decided to test Natsu's responsiveness. Slowly, he lessened the hold on the dragon slayer's legs. They did not come crashing down to crush him in a leglock. Instead, Natsu spread his legs even wider. Gray hummed even more at seeing this subconscious eagerness. Then his hands slid up the firm torso and pinched Natsu's nipples again.

"Graaay!"

Hearing his name being moaned like that was too much. Gray realized he was instinctively thrusting into the mattress. He was not going to last long, and that upset him. Then again, the _mazer_ he used would only be effective for a few hours. Since Natsu was such a powerful wizard who had awakened his Second Origin, Gray estimated that, instead of twelve hours, he had maybe four. Already, Natsu had been unconscious for two hours. That left Gray with two hours to finish this and get the hell out of Magnolia before Natsu regained his magic enough to truly try to kill him.

Gray pulled his tongue out, and the whine from the boy under him made him smile.

"I'll kill you," Natsu huffed, his face flushed and sweat glistening his body. "I'm going to fucking kill you."

"Fair enough," Gray decided, "because you'll get _the little death_ first."

Gray sucked on his fingers, and Natsu watched with shivering dread. What was going to happen next? Pain? Pleasure? Why was he licking his fingers like that? Why did he look so erotic and dangerous doing it?

"Gray?" he asked, dreading to find out what was next. "Please, you can stop this. I...I won't tell if you stop right now. I'll say I lost to you. It's your win today, okay? We fought, I lost, so...so let's just stop right here."

"Bargaining?" Gray asked in amusement, slathering his fingers in saliva. "This isn't like you at all."

"I don't wanna get raped, dammit!" he yelled. "And...and I don't want you to get arrested. What do I have to do to make you stop this?"

Gray took his fingers out of his mouth and looked down at the pink-haired boy, considering it seriously. "Break up with Lucy."

Natsu opened his mouth to shout against the demand, but he stopped himself. His brow furrowed, and he looked away to a corner of the room. Lucy's laugh came to his mind, but...was having a girlfriend worth all of this?

"Fine," he whispered in defeat. "We were planning on going out tomorrow. I'll...I'll break up with her then. Anything else?"

Gray nodded. "Go out with me instead."

"Hell no!" Natsu snapped without even thinking about it.

Gray pressed one of his fingers inside Natsu's asshole. The boy clenched and arched at the intrusion.

"What the...no!" he cried out in panic. "Don't stick it in like that. Get it out! Gray, stop it!"

"You break up with her, date me, and swear you'll never love anyone but me for the rest of your life."

"Go to hell!"

Gray pressed the finger in deeper and twisted it. Natsu cried out and tried to shake his hips to pull away from the intrusion.

"If you do that, then this won't be rape," Gray smirked sadistically. "It'd be consensual."

Natsu felt deeply stabbed. "You were planning on doing it anyway?"

"Of course. I've been holding myself back until now. I was saving my virginity for you, Natsu...and you went off and slept with Lucy!" Feeling bitter anger, Gray forced a second finger inside, and Natsu howled in pain.

"No, dammit, that hurts! Shit, you're tearing me. Stop it!"

Gray ignored the screams. "Besides, do you really think I'd want you when you don't want me back? I want you to love me, and if I can't get that..." A third finger slowly forced its way in, and Natsu whimpered shamelessly. "...I'll take what I can get and leave you to your _girlfriend_. I hope that, over the years, you'll look back and realize she will never be able to please you as thoroughly as I can. She would never go as far as I would. She will never, ever, in a hundred years, love you as deeply as I love you, Natsu."

He pulled the fingers out, and Natsu's body went limp. Gray grabbed the lube, poured half the bottle onto himself and onto Natsu's hole, then climbed on top of him and glared down into the flushed face.

"I love you so much, Natsu...I'd go this far just to have you."

He lined his cock up, and Natsu felt the pressure.

"No! Stop! Don't, Gray."

Despite the frantic protests, he pressed in. The lube helped him to slide the head inside, but Natsu's tensing body made for resistance. Gray had to hold Natsu's thighs apart with a vice-like grip and use the strength in his hips to thrust in forcefully, straining and grunting as he pushed his way in. Natsu screamed at the pain. Finally, Gray was in to the root and panted from the struggle of fighting Natsu's resistance. He was momentarily overwhelmed. It was his first time, although he had read enough of Erza's yaoi collection to know the basics. Still, seeing gay sex drawn out and feeling the tightness of entering a man's ass were completely different.

"Damn, you're a furnace inside," Gray moaned. "Shit..."

He tightly gripped himself at the base of his cock. _Come on, I can't come this suddenly. It'd show how much of a virgin I really am. Still...fuck, he's tight and hot!_ Trying to take his mind off of that, he looked down at Natsu's body. There was something empowering about being on top like this, and a dark satisfaction shadowed his mind.

"Your ass virginity is mine," Gray sneered as he waited for Natsu to loosen up before he could go any further. "Remember that. Even if you and Lucy get married, have kids, raise a family together, always remember: your ass belongs to me."

He was ready for a fierce counterattack, but either the mazer had truly done its job in draining Natsu of energy, or the dragon slayer was giving up...and Natsu would _never_ surrender in a fight, especially not against Gray. However, he no longer sensed murderous intent from the dragon slayer. The tears streaming down the flushed face were of genuine sadness.

Damn him, but the dragon slayer truly, honestly, did not want Gray to become a rapist.

"Natsu?" Gray asked in worry.

"Gray..." The name croaked out of Natsu's throat between sobs. "Move already."

Gray blinked. Was he actually encouraging him? Or did Natsu just want this over with quickly because it hurt and was humiliating? He did not know, he was too worried to ask, so he pulled back and slowly pressed in again, gliding into that tight circle of muscles. Natsu moaned and shivered, and Gray nearly lost it.

"Dammit, you're sexy," the ice wizard sneered lasciviously.

Natsu glared up in fiery ire. "I hate you," he hissed.

Gray knew to expect it, so he did not stop. He thrust in again and again, ignoring Natsu's yells.

"I hate you for... _ugh!_...doing this and... _nnnngh!_...saying you're going to... _ahhn!_...leave Fairy Tail. I... _fuck!_...I hate you for that, Gray. _Oh God!_ I hate you."

Gray toned out everything but his own lust, the feel of friction as he viciously snapped his hips and thrust inside the burning entrance. He wanted to see Natsu smile, wanted to hear "I love you" rather than words of hate, but...it was something he could live with. It was a sin to love his best friend when Natsu already had a girlfriend—a girl who was also his best female friend, a girl Gray had somewhat liked up until a while ago—so this was just one more sin heaped up on it. Still, as Natsu cursed and spewed hateful words at him, Gray let one tear drip out in regret.

Natsu smelled the salty teardrop before seeing it slip past the lanky bangs that hid Gray's eyes. He looked in shock, then in regret. He had flaunted his relationship with Lucy purely to piss off the ice wizard. He never thought how much those taunts must have hurt Gray.

"Why Gray?" he whispered. "You can't return home after you do something like this."

Gray knew he was right. He was burning his bridges, severing any chance at returning. Even if, years down the road, he missed Fairy Tail and wanted to return, after doing this, there was no way to come back. This bridge—this link to home and to the nakama he thought of as family—was already smoldering. It would be nothing but ash come morning, and by then he would be long gone, never looking back.

"I..." Gray paused in his thrusting as he fought the sadness. "I wouldn't want to return home anyway, not when I've already lost you. At least this way, there's no chance I can come back only to be hurt all over again, and I get one moment of happiness that I can look back on."

"Doesn't this really make you happy?" Natsu asked sternly.

The ice wizard chuckled at the irony. "No," he answered honestly. "It doesn't. Not one bit. I'm only hurting you. Still, I'd rather hurt you and clearly show you my feelings, than stop and be half-assed about it. My feelings are not half-assed, Natsu. Twisted and perverted, maybe...but not half-assed."

"Then don't do things halfway," Natsu said, blushing slightly. "Make me feel good, too."

Gray was again shocked at the unexpected reply, but that sort of willingness made him smile. Maybe he was only deluding himself, but for that night, he pretended Natsu really wanted this. He kissed the dragon slayer and pretended that the grunts were not of disgust, but of passion. He stroked what was definitely _not_ a "little dragon" by any means, and he listened only to the heated moans, ignoring the curses. When he finally thrust against Natsu's prostate and the dragon slayer wrapped his legs around the scarred torso, Gray pretended it was to urge him on.

In the dimness of the moonlight, their moans and heated gasps went unseen by others. Only Gray got to experience this side of Natsu, and he felt a greedy need to capture every expression his rival could make. Gray gazed down, etched the look of Natsu's flushed face into his memory, and smiled sadly that he would have to leave. He had spent weeks debating if it was better to continue in Fairy Tail hiding his pain but enjoying at least the bittersweetness of seeing Natsu from time to time, or having this moment to fulfill all of his desires at the cost of torching the bonds between them. In the first scenario, he would torment himself for the rest of his life, but Natsu got to remain happily carefree. In the other choice, he cemented Natsu's dislike of him, earned his wrath, yet at least Gray could look back on his life and say he did everything he wanted to do.

It was a selfish choice, but no one ever said Gray Fullbuster was purely altruistic.

Silently, stroking Natsu more and more while thrusting harder, Gray watched the young man under him. He tried to take solace in thinking that maybe Natsu would also look back to this moment and someday remember it for the pleasure...although he knew that was probably impossible.

"Gray!" Natsu shrieked. "No!"

Natsu's hands clenched into fists, yanking against the handcuffs and rattling them. Gray felt the passage getting tighter. Natsu's whole body was flushing with the impending release.

"You're breathtaking, Natsu," Gray said heatedly. " _Nnngh_...damn, not gonna last much longer."

Natsu's head swung back and forth, fighting against instincts. Even if he did not have magic to produce flames, his breaths made white puffs in the cold apartment, and the steam coming from his sweaty body created a dreamy mist around the bed.

"Gray," he shuddered. "I...I..." Despite trying to hold back, his spine snapped upward, his eyes tightened, and his mouth opened wide as he moaned in pleasure. "Ahhh! Ooh...Graaaay!"

Seeing Natsu in such bliss completely overwhelmed Gray. He felt the cock in his hand jerk, and he looked down in time to see Natsu shoot off. It was an oddly beautiful sight, nearly angelic, so much so that tears came to Gray's eyes. However, the moment of amazement shattered as he felt a surge in his own body as well. He slammed in deeply, and his toes curled as he shuddered.

" _Nnnh_ -Natsu! Oh God, f-...fuck!"

It ended far too quickly, just a shout, deep moans, a splash of semen, jolts of pleasure that shook Gray to his soul, and then...all over. He wished it had been more, felt better, a special moment filled with love and passion. Instead, Natsu passed out due to the physical drain on his already weakened body. Gray caressed the unconscious face. Even like this, Natsu was breathtaking. He slowly pulled out, then looked down at the damage he had done, the sheets stained, some blood marks on the bed, a few bruises on Natsu's thighs from grasping him so roughly...he looked at it all, these stains of sin, a deed that was out of pure greed, something unfulfilling that made Gray feel dirty and sick to his stomach.

He pulled away from Natsu. Gray felt nauseous and swallowed down acid. Slowly, he rose to his feet. His legs wobbled, and he held onto his dresser to balance himself. His breathing was still coming heavily from exhaustion mixed with disgust at himself. Although he had plotted to do this for some time, now that the crime was committed, he felt stunned.

"Oh God, what did I just do?" he whispered in horror.

Suddenly, Gray grabbed his mouth, ran to the bathroom, and vomited into the toilet. He sank to his knees, resting his head on the toilet seat, shivering and sobbing to himself. No matter how quickly he wiped the tears, more came, overwhelming him.

"Natsu," he sniffled, shivering as a coldness deeper than a winter blizzard froze his veins. "Natsu..."

Gray hugged his arms and tried to curl into a ball. He hated what he just did, and he hated that a part of him was happy just to have taken Natsu's ass virginity. It was what he wanted, after all: to have his first time be with Natsu. He wanted a piece of Natsu before Lucy stole away all of him. He forcefully took it, and he felt smug about that. Yet that dark emotion made him heave up his dinner again.

How could he feel so smug, yet so sick?

He flushed the vomit down, washed his mouth, then grabbed a towel to clean them both. Natsu moaned in his sleep as Gray wiped the dripping semen from the dragon slayer's stomach and the lube mixed with blood off from his ass. Then he laid in bed beside the boy, gazing at how the moon made Natsu's face look metallic and gave his hair a strange color. Gray smoothed back the silverish-pink strands, and tears came to his eyes again.

"I wish you could love me, Natsu," he whispered, and Gray kissed the sleeping dragon slayer on the cheek. "I just hope that, some day, you can forgive me and be happy."

He knew he would be despised by his guild members and the citizens of Magnolia for his crime. He would forever be blamed for leaving a scar that could not be healed on his team and on his beloved Natsu.

He unlocked Natsu's handcuffs and gently moved the arms down, resting those sinewy hands onto the broad, bronze chest. He stroked the roughened fingers for a moment, thinking how nice it would have been to hold hands together, go on dates, and when the team stayed at an inn, of course he and Natsu would have their own room away from the girls. Sleeping together in an inn, cradling the dragon slayer on a train as he got sick, little things like that would have been sweet.

Now, they were all impossible.

He had burned his bridges. He could only keep walking away.

"Sayonara, Natsu," he whispered, and he kissed the boy on the lips.

" _Mmh_...Gray," came a sleepy moan.

That dreamy mutter made Gray smile. He committed the way Natsu said his name to memory, then wrote a brief letter and put it beside the bed. He looked down one last time at his sleeping dragon slayer before grabbing a bag he had already packed beforehand and leaving out the front door.

Natsu curled up in his sleep and mumbled in a dream. "Don't go, Gray. Don't leave me..."

**End of Chapter 2**


	3. Sayonara, Minna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: For those who don't know Japanese, "sayonara, minna" means "goodbye, everyone."_  
>  さようなら、みんな

Magnolia had an eerie silence this early in the morning. The sky was still mostly black, stars struggled for survival, yet a purple bruising on the horizon foreshadowed their coming doom at the arrival of the Day Star. Mist threaded through lanes and alleys like spiderwebs, muting what little noise there was: matutinal birds, a rat scurrying away from a hungry cat, a policeman on patrol, an owl heading home after a night of hunting. All was touched with the sickly gray-green hue of a dying night and the umber glow of streetlights.

Through this dark silence, policemen and cats and birds felt an uncharacteristic iciness pass by like a sudden breath of winter in the middle of summer. Some heard the soft, slow footsteps, or the sound of a sniffle, yet in the misty darkness, not many actually saw Gray Fullbuster as he plodded forward.

His heavy boots took him along a path he knew by heart. He had walked this road thousands of times over who-knows-how-many years. He knew each crack in the sidewalk and each pothole in the street. He knew the smells of the flower shop as he passed by it without stopping, and the reek of fish from one of the canneries. Without even looking, he dropped a coin at the feet of a homeless man he knew always slept in a certain alley, and he avoided another alley that had a dog ready to bark at anyone who walked by. This early in the morning, that dog would wake up half the neighborhood.

Finally, the Fairy Tail building rose like a dream castle. Misty spiderwebs held it like a chained prisoner to this city. It was a place Gray once thought of as home, but now he was breaking all those threads, cutting through the misty chains as he walked closer and closer. The wispy fog broke at his passing and curled behind him like ghostly fingers beckoning him to stay a little longer.

When he opened the main doors, there was already warmth and musical humming inside. He was glad it was not totally silent. For how rowdy the guild hall could be when filled, it could seem as grim as a sepulcher when empty. One person was already there. Mirajane always stayed latest and arrived earliest. Gray wondered sometimes if she ever actually went home, or if maybe she had a futon in one of the back rooms.

She looked up and grinned widely with her blue eyes sparkling. "Good morning, Gray! You're up unusually early. Couldn't sleep? Bad dream? Can I fix you tea?"

"Tea would be nice," he muttered. He shut the squeaking, heavy doors behind him and slowly came forward. "And you, Mira? The sun's not even up, yet you're already working."

"To be honest, I haven't gone to bed," she laughed lightly. "Today's supposed to be my day off, but the Thunder God Tribe were up all night drinking, so I figured I should clean up now before Kinana comes in for her shift."

"Oh...I see," he muttered. "People really love to party for no reason here."

"That's why we love this guild," she tittered brightly.

Gray looked down with a depressing aura. "Yeah...we're crazy and do stupid things, sometimes we're so destructive we even hurt innocent people, yet somehow we rarely get in trouble for it."

"Master has gotten really good at keeping the wilder members out of jail," she said loyally, her voice filled with admiration for her mentor and master.

Gray looked away and glanced around at the Fairy Tail banners. He mumbled to himself, "I wonder how far that asylum would go."

Mirajane did not catch his words and hummed curiously, but Gray decided not to repeat himself.

"We're a destructive group, but Fairy Tail has always been a shelter where I feel safe. I can't ever imagine leaving it. I wonder...how will that feel, doing something like that?"

Mirajane smiled warmly and handed him some tea. "Are you already feeling homesick about your upcoming mission? I heard it's rather far away. For those of us who stay in the guild mostly, it sometimes feels like the rest of you are leaving, only to change your minds and come back."

"At least, after missions, you know we'll come back," he pointed out. "Also, when we go on those long journeys, we look forward to returning home. What I mean is...what would it be like, to walk out those doors knowing you'd never return? I wonder what Loke felt like when he quit. I don't know many people who actually quit Fairy Tail. I can't even imagine it," he whispered with his brows pulled down low.

"What would you miss most?" she asked conversationally.

Gray thought about it as he sipped his tea. "I'm not sure if I can pick one thing. It's like asking a person what they like most about their lover. A casual lover might be able to list one single trait, but a true, deep, eternal lover could never list just one trait. You love everything about that person."

Mirajane leaned in with wide, glittering, blue eyes. "Are you speaking from experience, Gray?"

He dropped his head and blushed. "M-maybe," he mumbled.

"That's so sweet!" she giggled, almost squealing, except it was too quiet in the guild hall for that sort of loud noise.

"So...what if you had to leave that person?" Gray went on. "What if you had to walk away from that person—that place—that thing that means more to you than life itself?"

"Would you really be able to walk away?" Mirajane asked. "Even if you have to be separated for a while, you always come back to the guild. The trying times end, you emerge stronger, and you come back to party all night long, like Laxus did last night."

"Exactly. So how would it feel to walk out those doors knowing you'd never walk back in?" Tears began to gather in his eyes, and he dropped his head so his fringe would hide them. "It'd probably feel like you were carving a piece of your heart out and tossing it aside."

Mirajane began to grow worried for him now. It was obvious Gray was troubled by something.

He shrugged it off. "Sorry for rambling. I was up all night, didn't sleep a wink, just thinking about stupid things." He drank the last of the tea and set the cup down. Then he placed a few Jewels on the table to pay. "Thanks for the tea and talk, Mira. It's what I needed."

Gray rose and walked to the doors again. He pulled them open to see that the world outside was a little brighter. Pausing, he stared out at the misty webs that tried to hold him in this place. His brow furrowed with silent troubles, and he looked back at the white-haired lady.

"Sayonara, Mi-...-a" His voice faded to almost nothing, so she did not catch the last syllable. Then Gray left and quietly shut the door behind him.

Mirajane pouted at the troubled look on Gray's face. She wished he would open up more to her. Everyone knew Gray iced his emotions until they cracked and exploded. She figured this must be about Natsu and Lucy. He had challenged Natsu to a fight. She realized, she should have asked how the duel went. Had it gone bad? Gray had not looked beaten up.

She shrugged it off. He would speak when he was ready. Mirajane could try to pry secrets out of the guild members, but she never pestered them obnoxiously. She let them speak when they were ready, then urged on for the juicier bits that they withheld due to propriety's sake. Gray would talk when he sorted out his troubles on his own. That was the kind of person he was.

She glanced down at the money he left behind. Under the Jewel note was a piece of paper folded and addressed to her. She opened it, read Gray's messy handwriting, and suddenly gasped with tears filling her horrified eyes. She realized now what Gray said just before leaving.

It wasn't " _Sayonara, Mira_."

He said " _Sayonara, minna_."

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. The Freedom to Choose

When Natsu woke up, the sun was already shining. He felt oddly cold despite the covers wrapped around him. He also felt like he had been in a fight. He sensed a potent drain on his magic.

"What just happened?" he grumbled.

He heard someone pounding on the door and groaned from weariness.

"Happy, go answer it," he mumbled.

No one replied. Natsu ignored the second knock and covered his head with the blankets to block all noises. Suddenly, someone kicked the door open, and a pair of heavy boots marched into the bedroom.

"Gray, you bastard! Why are you hiding in here?"

Natsu hummed. Was someone else angry at the stripper? Whose voice was that? The blankets muted it a bit. Why were they looking for Gray at his and Happy's house?

Suddenly, his blankets were yanked away. Natsu flinched at the bright light in his eyes, then he looked up to see a furious scowl on Erza's face.

"What...? Natsu?" she asked in shock. "What are you doing in Gray's bed?"

"Gray's bed?" He looked around. This was definitely not his home. "How did I...?"

Memories of the night before crashed into his brain. He flinched, his blood ran cold from the recollection of those icy touches, and he suddenly found even breathing to be difficult. His mind felt suddenly blank, yet his thoughts were racing. Memories came unwanted to him...humiliating memories. He had been raped, and by Gray of all people!

"Where's Gray?" demanded Erza.

"What?" he cried out in a slight panic. "I...I dunno." Natsu felt overwhelmed with flashes of scenes, sensations, cold fingers touching him, Gray's straining face...he was completely unable to think in the present.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

Natsu flinched again. "It was...last night, maybe?"

"Was he here?"

"Y-yeah," he muttered. Here, in this bed...with him. His stomach lurched and his heart began to race. "Why? Are you...angry with him?" _Does she know? No one in the guild should know about what happened, right? Only if that bastard turned himself in, and he wouldn't do that._

"Gray left a note with Mira saying he's quitting the guild. She tried to run after him, but he was already gone. She sent word out, and people are already searching for him. I was hoping to find some clue here, but it looks like he packed his things. Did Gray say anything about leaving?"

Natsu shivered as he recalled the words. _As soon as I'm done here, I'm on the first train out of Fiore._

"He said something about taking a train," Natsu said, trying to avoid saying too much, anything that might be suspicious.

Erza frowned. "A train, huh? I'll head to the station. If he bought a train ticket, we can figure out where he's heading. Get out of bed! Everyone is out looking for Gray, and as his teammate, you should be, too. Find your clothes and join Lucy's search party. And why the hell are you naked in Gray's bed? Does his house have a stripping germ in here?"

Natsu decided not to answer, and Erza left without waiting. He moved slowly, his ass burning, his shoulders sore from being restrained, his thighs stiff and bruised. He went into Gray's bathroom and took a long shower, trying to clean away the feeling of filth. As the hot water streamed over his pale face, tears mixed in.

"Damn you, Gray," he sniffled. "Why did you do this? Dammit!" He punched the wall and cracked the tiles while the shower washed away his tears.

When he was done, Natsu glanced into the foggy mirror while toweling his pink hair. He looked pale with dark circles under his eyes and some light bruising on his body. He wondered if he _looked_ like he had just been raped. What did something like that even look like? For some reason, he did not want it to be obvious. He wanted to keep this a secret until he could find Gray and confront him personally.

Ignoring his harried appearance, he dressed and walked back into the bedroom. That was when he found the letter sitting on the nightstand. It was written in Gray's messy penmanship.

_Dear Natsu,_

_I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but I truly could not go on just looking from afar. Tonight was precious to me, although it'll probably be a nightmare for you. I will never forget it, but I probably will never forgive myself, either. So, I don't mind if you can't forgive me. Just never forget me. Even if all you feel is hatred, never forget this night._

_Forever dreaming of your smile,  
Gray Fullbuster_

Natsu crunched the letter up, lit a flame, and burned it in anger. His eyes narrowed, and a glowing flicker surrounded him.

"Bastard. Just running away, huh? Coward!"

His chest jolted, and although Natsu tried to hold it back, a tear slipped out.

"Why, Gray? Why'd you have to go that far? Asshole!"

Natsu hugged himself to hold back sobs. He felt dirty again, but he knew this was a soiling mark that went much deeper than his flesh. How could he clean away the filth marring his soul?

When Natsu finally dried his tears and walked outside, he heard people shouting for Gray. It reminded him of when Loke quit the guild. Back then, Natsu had been one of the first to rush out shouting for Loke. Now, he watched his nakama in their search and shook his head. They wouldn't find Gray. It was useless. When that ice-bastard wanted to be alone, he figured out a way.

Natsu went to the guild hall, since his ass hurt too badly to walk all the way home. He sat carefully at the bar, flinching a little as the seat scrapped over his rear. Mirajane looked shocked to see someone here when everyone else was out.

"Natsu, aren't you going to look for Gray?"

With his eyes down, he shook his head. "Why should I waste my time on that stupid stripper?"

"Oh, Natsu!" sighed Mirajane. "I know you and Gray are rivals, but he's your teammate."

"I don't remember inviting him onto my team," Natsu grumbled petulantly. "My team was just supposed to be me, Happy, and Lucy. Gray invited himself. I never wanted him around."

Mirajane folded her arms. " _Your_ team? Aren't you being a bit conceded? I was under the impression that it was Erza's team. She's the oldest, and the highest ranking member, after all. She was the one who convinced you and Gray to work together."

"Team...Erza?" Natsu blinked in shock. He had never thought about it that way. He had assumed this was his team—he, Happy, and Lucy—that Gray and Erza later joined. Of course, he would never have let Gray onto his team if it was not for Erza demanding that they work together.

"No matter who the team leader is," she went on, "Gray is your nakama."

Petulantly, Natsu grumbled, "I'm respecting his wishes. If that bastard wants to run away, let him."

Mirajane sighed in exasperation but left it at that. She was shocked when Natsu ordered a drink that would have made Cana proud, and so early in the morning, too. Still, she poured the potent alcohol. She could see in Natsu's face, Gray's disappearance troubled him deeply, but there was something more, something he obviously did not want to talk about. Natsu took the drink and left to a booth, where the pain in his rear was less. In the corner, he could hide away and be left with the memories of last night.

Thinking about the night before made Natsu feel more sick than a carnival ride. However, there were moments when he had experienced some bits of pleasure. Every detail went through his head. Despite himself, some of the memories aroused him.

Still, it was wrong to like something that was forced upon you. He would have to report it. Rape was a serious crime. Even if it meant humiliation for him, he had to tell police. At least then, the guild would also understand why Gray ran away. He wondered if they would blame _him_ , though. After all, Natsu was the one who harassed Gray, teased him, goaded him at every opportunity, until he felt he had no other choice but to commit a crime.

He had to report this...but he truly did not want Gray to be remembered as a rapist. That was why he wanted to wait until he could talk to Gray again. He wanted some questions answered, and he needed to vent his anger by punching Gray in the head a few times. He also needed to sort out his emotions before dealing with police and inquiries. For some reason, his emotions were fluctuating. He should hate Gray, despise him, and want to kill him, those same emotions he felt last night. Yet now, in the sunlight, he could not hate Gray that way.

He pitied Gray, and that made him even more confused.

What did he want? How did he feel about Gray? Why had a part of him wanted to enjoy last night when he should have been filled with pure disgust? Why had he asked Gray to make him feel good as well?

"Gray," he whispered, clenching his fingers into his pink hair.

"Natsu?"

He jolted at the soft voice and looked over quickly to Lucy. Swiveling like that made his ass hurt, and he flinched slightly, shifting his hips on the seat. The movement did not go unnoticed by the blonde.

"I realized you weren't out searching for Gray," she said, slowly taking a seat next to him. "Even if you two are rivals, that's all the more reason for you to want Gray to stay in Fairy Tail. Something... _happened_ yesterday, didn't it?"

Natsu's face snapped over to her in shock.

"When you left to go fight Gray, you never went home. Happy came to my house looking for you."

Lucy had a sad expression, as if she understood everything. Natsu looked away with a feeling of shame. He wondered what sort of magic power girls had that made them always seem to know things without a guy saying anything at all.

"Gray...did something to you. Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"I'm not hurt. Well, not too badly," he amended, still feeling an ache in his hind side.

Lucy looked aside quietly for a while. A minute ticked by in awkwardness between both of them.

"I knew," she finally whispered. "About Gray, that is."

Natsu looked over in surprise. "You knew? About _what_ , exactly?"

Her eyes dropped to the ground. "About...well...that he likes you," she confessed in a mumble. "He has feelings for you. That's why I kept trying to make you stop talking about the two of us in front of him. I knew he was in love with you, and I had a feeling that if you found out, you'd also realize your feelings for him."

"I feel like killing him! That's what my feelings are!" the dragon slayer shouted.

Her eyes looked sad. "Is that really how you feel?"

"Yes!" He let the answer hang in the air for a few seconds. "No," he confessed with a sigh of defeat. "I don't know. I'm all confused now."

"He hurt you, didn't he?" she realized sadly.

"Physically, I can handle that much," Natsu mumbled, not really wanting to talk about that part. "But that bastard broke my trust. Maybe we're not best friends or anything, but...but we're still teammates. We're guild members! We're nakama!" he shouted in anger. "He destroyed that trust."

Lucy patted his hand. "I understand how you feel on that part. I can't say I'll ever forgive him for hurting you, but it's not up to me to decide on forgiveness. That's up to you. I do know that Gray has been hurting for a long time."

"I realize that now," Natsu admitted in regret. "I hurt him, so he hurt me back. It's like any normal fight between us, except the bastard cheated this time."

"Natsu." Lucy took his hand and squeezed it until his eyes looked up to her. "Can you forgive him?"

Natsu frowned, ready to say no, but something nagged in the back of his mind. "It's not like I can't _ever_ forgive him. If I don't, I'll just keep hating and hating until I'm the one who does something illegal. I don't like hating people, especially my friends. Part of me... _wants_ to forgive him," he said in anguish, "but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I _should_. I don't want him to get in trouble, but I want to beat his ass until he realizes just how angry I feel right now."

"Do you love him?" she whispered.

Natsu looked sadly at her. She was his girlfriend, so how could she ask that with such a gentle smile?

"I...dunno," he sighed, hanging his head in frustration. "I'm just mad right now."

She chuckled softly. "You're as stubborn as him. You two really are a lot alike. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"Yeah, Happy has said so, too," he mumbled.

"In your dreams, you confessed to Gray."

Natsu bolted up out of his slouch. "I did _what_?"

"It was quite a sweet confession, too. I knew for some time now, although you were dating me, the person who filled your dreams was Gray."

"I do _not_ dream about that popsicle!"

"You had a wet dream about him last week."

"No I..." Natsu froze in a memory. "Oh shit, _that_ dream!"

Lucy smiled and shrugged as if to apologize for pointing out the truth. "I've known for a few weeks now, enough time for me to think this over. You're a lot of fun, Natsu, but...but I'm holding you back."

"No way! You're not, really. I have lots of fun with you."

"But you love someone else," she reasoned calmly. "Look, Natsu..." She took off the couples' bracelet he had recently given her. "I want what's best for you, so I'm giving you the freedom to choose which path feels most natural. Find Gray. Bring him back. At the very least, drag his ass back here so I can beat him into a slushy for doing something so horrible to you."

Natsu laughed at that. "Ah, but...maybe you shouldn't tell Erza. If she found out, she really would kill Gray."

"True. Still, try to convince him to return. If you can get him to stay, I'll be happy. If not, maybe you'll come back to me, or maybe you'll chase after him. Either way, follow the path you feel is right."

His eyes saddened that she was letting him go. "But...but Lucy..."

"I like you, Natsu, but I want you both on the team," she said firmly. "Fairy Tail wouldn't be the same without you two around to annoy me. So go find him and bring him home. If anyone can find Gray, it's you."

Natsu looked down at the bracelet. He had to admit, he bought it at the festival because he knew it would make Gray jealous. So much of what he did with Lucy was all on the pretext of annoying the Ice-Make wizard. He wondered if there was anything he did purely to make Lucy happy, or if the whole relationship had all been a series of events aimed to gall Gray into action.

"Thanks, Lucy. And...I'm sorry." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then ran out of the guild.

Lucy sighed as she watched him go. "It'll make him happier," she told herself.

Mirajane came up with a sad expression. "Sorry, I overheard everything. So, that's what Gray meant."

"He talked to you?" Lucy asked in surprise.

"When he left. What you did was really brave, Lucy."

She blushed a little at the compliment. "Perhaps, but now that leaves me single. Oh well."

"Hmm..." Mirajane pressed her finger to her lips. "I heard a rumor that Sting is looking for a girlfriend."

"Sting!" Suddenly, Lucy's face went red. "Why would I even want a guy like that?"

"Because he's hot, sweet, and also a dragon slayer," Mirajane said brightly. "Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. You'll find another boyfriend, and hopefully Natsu and Gray can make up."

"Hopefully?" asked Lucy.

Mirajane smiled brightly. "I wanna see those two making out. Gay boys are the hottest!"

" _Mira!_ "

**End of Chapter 4**


	5. Gomen Nasai

Natsu could smell that Gray was still in Magnolia. He only had to sniff for a few minutes before he knew precisely where the Ice-Make wizard was hiding. Sure enough, he walked down to the river where they always fought as children, and Gray was sitting under the branches of a willow tree.

"A drooping willow. Appropriate place for a droopy-eyed bastard."

Gray jolted and looked around in shock.

"You said you were getting out of here right away," Natsu mentioned with a frown. "What happened? Chickened out?"

Gray settled back down. "Something like that. For some reason, I couldn't leave this city. I didn't want to be that far away from you, even if that means getting caught and arrested."

"So you came here? Did you _want_ to get caught?"

Gray looked back out to the glittering water. "Maybe," he muttered.

Natsu walked down to the river and stood in front of Gray, sneering at him. Gray's sad eyes stayed turned away with a melancholy face. Natsu gritted his teeth as a tear slid down his cheek.

"I hate you!"

Gray could not look at him, but his brow tensed at hearing those seething words. "I know," he said sadly.

Natsu leaped forward and punched Gray in burning anger. "You fuckin' raped me, bastard!" He gave a left hook that sent blood streaming out of Gray's mouth. "Do you think I can just forgive you? Did you think I'd come here, see your sorry ass, and forget it all?"

"Of course not," Gray admitted. "I expected you to come down here..." His eyes gazed up coldly. "...and fight me one last time."

Natsu's fists stopped, and his face sneered with flames of rage. "Do you think punching you a few times will solve everything?"

Gray shook his head. Although his eyes were melancholy, his face went frigidly serious. "Kill me, Natsu."

The dragon slayer backed up a step, and his cheeks went pale. "Wh-what?"

"By all rights, I should be arrested and left to rot in jail. I don't want to waste away like that. For a fighter like me, that's worse than death. I thought I'd run away, leave you to your happy life, but then I realized you'd never be happy until you got even, and there's no way I can be happy when I'm away from you. I realized...just how much I hurt you. Knowing you, the fact that I physically hurt you probably doesn't mean much at all. It's the emotional pain that you hold onto. I thought, what if you were betrayed so badly, it changed the Natsu I love? What if, because of me, you can't make friends in Fairy Tail anymore? What if you were so humiliated, you quit the guild? That terrified me worse than the idea of going off on my own. That's why I've been sitting here since sunrise, waiting for you to come, to fight me and take out your revenge on me. I wanna die knowing you can go on and be free from the darkness I plunged you into. You're the one I hurt, so kill me."

The flames on Natsu's body doused. He listened to Gray's words of regret, and again the emotions struggled within him. The carefree member of Fairy Tail wanted to drag him back, let Erza deal with him, then forgive him like how people in Fairy Tail often forgave former enemies. However, the fiery dragon slayer within him wanted to take revenge and show Gray just how deeply his feeling of betrayal ran.

"You confuse me," Natsu accused angrily. "Damn you!" Tears stung the corners of his eyes. "You make me want to stop thinking, just act, grab you, and never let go."

Slowly, Gray forced his eyes up in bewilderment.

Natsu's hand rose to cover his flushed and crying face. As much as he tried to fight back, tears came pouring down. As all the hatred dissolved and ideas of revenge burned to a crisp, all that was left were feelings of reminiscence, yearning for their arguments, brawls, and laughter. He missed the rivalry and mockery whenever they met, Gray's laugh whenever Erza pounded Natsu onto the floor, his icy attacks, and the grin of determination Gray had whenever they fought.

Now, when he recalled that night, all he remembered were the sensations of Gray's soft touches, his slightly chapped lips, his tickling icy breath, his messy black hair, the gleam in his blue eyes, and that frosty passion that overwhelmed everything like a blizzard. Natsu recalled his own sense of desire and lust. His body flinched at the memories. Rage battled against pleasure. His heart both shuddered and raced at the thought of embracing him again.

Natsu shouted in frustration. "Goddammit, why the hell am I in love with you?"

Gray's mouth dropped in shock, and he blinked in confusion. "You...what?"

"Shut up! I should hate you, and I do hate you, but...but I..."

He suddenly threw a flaming punch into Gray's gut, sending the ice wizard falling to the ground with burn marks eating away his shirt until the whole thing crumbled to ashes.

"You goddamn fucking bastard!" bellowed Natsu as he hit Gray again and again. "If you had just told me...if you'd just..." He collapsed on top of Gray, lightly punching his chest with both hands as the sadness overwhelmed him. "If you had just told me directly how you feel..."

Natsu began to sob uncontrollably, like a dam burst in his eyes. He crushed Gray into a hug and buried his face down into the cold skin to hide the shame. Natsu wished the tears would stop for at least a couple of minutes so he could explain all of this without jolting sobs interrupting him.

"Natsu," Gray whispered in astonishment. "You...you love me?"

Natsu was too choked up to answer, so he just nodded.

Gray lost all of his breath. He shoved Natsu off of him, pulled away, rose with trembling knees, and backed away from the crying young man. He looked down in horror unlike any he had yet felt.

Thinking he had hurt someone who saw him as just a rival was one thing, and that was bad enough to want death. Knowing he had forced himself onto someone who actually loved him and would have accepted him...knowing he destroyed that chance by giving in to his own greed...

"Oh God, what did I do?" he gasped as his whole world tipped and jumbled.

"Fuckin' raped me, that's what you did!" sneered Natsu.

Gray could hardly breathe. "I...I'm..." _I'm what? Sorry? You idiot! He would have accepted you, and you destroyed everything. You ruined your one chance. You ruined Natsu! The man you love! The man who loves you! You ruined him, dirtied him, destroyed any chance of having him, all because you were too much of a coward to tell him yourself and too stupid to realize he...he...he loved me._

He looked down to the dragon slayer with unfathomable regret. Natsu's eyes were narrow with simmering rage. Slowly, wiping his face with his scarf, Natsu stood up. The grief had passed, and his chest felt empty now, waiting to see which emotion filled it next.

"I hate you," the dragon slayer whispered. "You destroyed my trust, Gray. For doing that, I can't forgive you."

Somehow, hearing those soft words were like a knife in the chest.

_He loved me, and I destroyed that with my own hands._

Gray looked down at his fingers. He had forced his touches on Natsu, hurt him with these hands, sullied him and tore apart the bonds of their friendship...with these hands! His fingers tightened into fists as tears dripped down his face.

"I don't deserve you," Gray mumbled. He laughed wryly and sniffled at the bitter irony of it all, learning about Natsu's love after he had already destroyed the foundation of those emotions. "I don't deserve to be loved by anyone, least of all you. I...don't deserve...to live."

There was a pale blue flash in his hands, and suddenly a knife took shape. Before Natsu could clearly see it, the blade slammed into Gray's stomach. He gritted his teeth from the pain.

"Gray!" Natsu screamed in horror. He watched numbly as the ice wizard tried to pull the knife across his gut for disembowelment in the style of _harakiri_ , ceremonial suicide. Pure terror made Natsu shiver with coldness. He grabbed the bloodied, shaking hands to pull the knife away. "No! Don't you dare commit suicide!"

Gray had his eyes closed, ready to accept his fate. "I don't deserve to live."

"And I can't stand by and watch my nakama die!" screamed Natsu.

"I don't...don't deserve...to be...anyone's nakama."

"I'll decide that, idiot!"

Natsu's hands burned hot, and the ice knife melted. Still, blood poured out of the gaping wound. Gray collapsed backward. He felt like everything moved in slow motion now. His head fell backwards to the grass, and Natsu dropped to his knees beside him.

"Gray!"

He stared up into the swaying branches of the willow and the summer blue sky beyond. Natsu's voice was bliss as darkness crept into his vision. He felt Natsu pressing on the bleeding stab and heard more shouts slowly fading away.

"No! Come on, Gray. Don't...don't you dare die."

"Sorry," he gargled out as his breathing slowed.

"No...Gray! Don't...don't leave me." Natsu pressed harder against the spurting blood. "Do you think I want this? Do you think this will satisfy me? Goddammit, don't you fucking die until I can beat the shit out of you first, bastard!"

"Always...such a foul...mouth," Gray chuckled weakly.

His eyes turned to look at Natsu. He wished the dragon slayer was not crying, although he looked so cute sobbing like that. And crying over him! It was sweet of him, although Gray felt he did not deserve those tears.

"Sayonara, Natsu. Be happy in this lifetime...and... _gomen_." He slowly closed his eyes as the darkness took over. " _Gomen nasai_...Natsu."

The words died on his lips. He still heard Natsu screaming, but Gray felt satisfied.

Maybe in the next life, he would do things better.

Maybe...

**End of Chapter 5**

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_A/N: "Gomen nasai" is Japanese for "I'm sorry."_


	6. Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

Gray was not sure what to expect after dying. Maybe he would wake up a baby, crying upon his birth. Maybe there was a heaven, or maybe hell. He deserved hell. Maybe there was nothing at all.

So he was surprised to wake up still under the willow tree, with an enraged dragon slayer looking over him.

"N-Natsu?" Gray asked in confusion.

"You goddamn, cock-sucking, shit-eating, asshole of a motherfucking bastard!" Natsu roared, spouting flames.

"Your foul mouth got worse," Gray mumbled wryly.

"Don't _ever_ die on me again or I'll fucking _kill you_."

"Die? What...?" he asked, feeling drowsy and weak. He touched his waist and felt a nasty scab.

"I cauterized it with my flames," Natsu explained softer in emotional exhaustion. "It'll be a hell of a scar, but that serves you right, trying to kill yourself right in front of the man who loves you."

"Loves...me?" Gray asked, still stunned at being alive. Natsu suddenly threw himself on top of Gray. "Whoa!"

"Please...please don't leave Fairy Tail," the dragon slayer begged through his tears. "Don't leave me. I want you to stay. I want to be able to forgive you someday."

Gray still felt confused. "But...I don't deserve it."

"Of course you don't!" Natsu bellowed. "You should be locked up, but I don't want that. I don't want you to get into trouble, and I don't want you to die. I...I don't want...to be separated from you. I want to be able to fight beside you, challenge you, party together, and have stupid eating contests. I wanna do missions together and go wild until Erza and Lucy yell at us. I wanna duel with you, pound your ass into the ground, set you on fire and get frozen by you, then laugh it all off over drinks. I wanna caress your face, hold you close, whisper 'I love you' and truly mean it, without any other stupid emotions getting in the way. That's what I want. I...I want to..."

Gray pressed a finger against Natsu's lips, silencing him. "I have a long way to go before I deserve that sort of forgiveness."

"You died, Gray," Natsu whispered tearfully. "Your heart stopped. You were dead for over two minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I...I was scared," he admitted with a shivering sob. "This morning, I wanted to kill you, but...but you already died. And...and...I didn't like you being dead. It was _terrifying._ I don't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you!"

Gray sighed and wiped some tears off Natsu's face. "Fine. I won't leave, not unless you tell me to."

"I still can't forgive you yet," Natsu warned. "I want to, someday, but...but I don't know how. I'm pissed as hell, Gray," he admitted, his nostrils flaring. "So mad, I really could kill you. But...I just know, I can't lose you."

"How about punishment for now?"

"Punishment?" Natsu asked in confusion. "How? I don't want you to get arrested."

Gray smirked smugly. "Payback. Let the punishment fit the crime."

Natsu still looked confused, but slowly a sly smile crept up on his face. Through his tears, a chuckle bubbled up. "Your ass will hurt for a week, bastard."

"Fair enough."

"I want that toy you used, as well. That thing fucking hurt!"

"I'll bring it and others."

"Others? You really are a pervert. I also demand on tying you up. My shoulders are still sore."

"Pussy," Gray teased. "But...I accept those terms. You better enjoy it, because I won't give you top position so easily in the future."

Natsu scoffed softly, yet his smile slowly faded and his eyes looked troubled.

"What's wrong? Changing your mind? Gonna call the cops on me?"

"I should!" snapped Natsu. "But if you got thrown into jail, some other bastard will probably butt-rape you, and I don't want some stranger to do that."

"You wanna do it instead, eh?"

"It serves you right!"

"Fair enough. So what's wrong?"

Natsu hesitated before finally asking. "Are you an ass virgin?"

Gray's face went bright pink, and his eyes dilated as they widened.

Natsu chuckled wickedly. "Good! I gonna make your first time painful so you regret what you did to me."

"But Natsu, what about Lucy?"

The same troubled look returned, and he pouted slightly. "She broke up with me. She said she knew I liked you and wanted me to be free to chase after you."

"Sorry," Gray said earnestly. "Lucy's a smart girl. I almost wish it was her I fell in love with, not you. It would have made things easier."

"Oh...I guess liking a girl is easier than liking a guy, huh?"

"Nah, I don't care about that," Gray shrugged. "I just mean, it'd be easier to beat your ass and win her than going through all this only to make you angry and cry."

Natsu glared at him. "Tell the guild that I cried and I'll show you whose ass would get beaten in a fight."

Gray laughed and hugged Natsu close on top of him. "No way. You're really cute when you cry, and I don't want anyone else seeing that sort of face from you."

Natsu gave him only a soft punch to the shoulder for saying that, but mostly he just wanted to enjoy the strong feel of the ice wizard's arms wrapped around him and listen to his heart pounding. That heart had stopped. The old Gray had died. Natsu felt like this was a new Gray. He still hated the old one, but he could slowly make amends with the reborn Gray.

These fresh, raw emotions were driving all other concerns from Natsu's addled brain. He shifted, and suddenly he felt the bracelet in his pocket. He thought about giving it to Gray, but now was not the time. Rage and the bitterness of betrayal still lingered in Natsu's heart, so it was a terrible time to start something like a real relationship. First, he would punish Gray in his own way. He was privately plotting how to make Gray hurt enough to truly understand that sort of humiliation. Maybe Gray would escape jail time, but he'd be limping for weeks!

"Hey Gray?"

"Mmh," he hummed in sleepy happiness.

"Juvia's gonna drown us."

Gray simpered softly. "She'll understand."

"No, she doesn't. She's standing on the opposite side of the river, and her eyes are glowing weirdly."

Gray sat up quickly to see the rain woman glowering like some hellbeast. He cringed back at the red gleam of her eyes and powerfully dark aura around her.

" _GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY GRAY-SAMA!_ "

"Oh shit...run, Gray!"

Gray leaped up, but the pain in his side slowed him. Natsu grabbed his hand and dragged him away, then wrapped Gray's arm around his shoulder to support him as the ice wizard limped while holding his stomach. Natsu turned half of Juvia's attacks to steam with his fire, while Gray froze the other half. They looked over to one another, realizing they fought together rather well. Natsu squeezed the icy cold fingers. Gray held on tightly, truly glad he had decided not to leave Magnolia, and thankful Natsu gave him another chance at life.

Even if he burned his bridges, leave it to Natsu to eat the flames and recklessly leap the chasm!

**The End**

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__A/N: Thanks, yasminemohamed91, for collaborating with me on this intense story. I hope everyone liked it. I might be persuaded to add a bonus chapter...maybe. Cheers!_ _


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